How to Stop People Pleasing & Imposter Syndrome at Work and Home With EMDR Therapy.
Imposter syndrome feels terrible and often painful. People pleasing and working harder is not the solution.
As a trauma informed Latina therapist serving people in San Diego and all over California and Phoenix and all over Arizona, people initially come into therapy want to address people-pleasing, imposter syndrome, and deep feelings of anxiety. Depending on the level of work people want to do, we start to put the bigger picture together and get to the root causes of their people pleasing, imposter syndrome, and deep feelings of anxiety.
Subconsciously we often repeat the patterns we had as children in our adult lives. Lots of people come from chaotic childhood homes and are raised by emotionally immature parents. We repeat cycles until we wake up, make changes, and heal. That’s where therapy can really help a person thrive and finally feel calm, confident, and like they are actually good enough.
Imposter syndrome is common in people of color (BIPOC) and in women.
Keep reading if you are struggling with imposter syndrome, people-pleasing, anxiety, or boundary setting, which are common pain points for entrepreneurs, career professionals, and people returning to the workforce after having a baby. People struggle with this at work and at home, and feeling like what they do is never enough. When left unchecked people can experience burnout, anxiety, and irritability. This can have impacts on their relationships at both work and home. I see this often with the couples that I work with in my couples therapy practice; they are often struggling with attachment wounds causing one another pain with constant arguments that never get anywhere.
In todays blog, we will cover what people pleasing and imposter syndrome are, how they impact anxiety, mood, behaviors and what you can do about it. Plus as an EMDR therapist practicing in Arizona and California as a dually licensed therapist, I can share how I have helped people overcome people pleasing and imposter syndrome, because you deserve to feel good enough!
Imagine a world where you felt good enough.
Imposter syndrome often shows up as anxiety, low self worth, low self esteem, and people pleasing.
What is imposter syndrome in the workplace and at home?
Imposter syndrome, a psychological phenomenon characterized by persistent feelings of self-doubt and the fear of being exposed as a fraud despite evidence of competence. This can be related to childhood trauma and growing up in a chaotic home environment. Trauma is anything that is not nurturing. Also women tend to struggle with imposter syndrome more, due to socialization. This is common in the workplace and at home.
If you people-please you probably have Imposter Syndrome.
Signs of Imposter Syndrome:
1. Self-doubt
2. Perfectionism
3. Discounting success
4. Fear of failure
5. Comparing oneself to others
6. Overworking
7. Anxiety and stress
8. Difficulty accepting praise
9. Difficulty internalizing success
Women are greatly impacted by this as they struggle to do it all and are overly hard on themselves. Women of color (BIPOC women) are at greater risk of imposter syndrome, burnout, and people pleasing because of socialization and systemic pressures.
Imposter syndrome is a mismatch between external achievements and internal feelings of competency.
This mismatch is what leads to anxiety driven behaviors, like overworking (often a sign of trauma), ruminating, and people-pleasing.
Therefore people who struggle with imposter syndrome are often also struggling with people pleaser, basically to cope with the anxiety of it all. Coping skills can help, but it is more helpful to get to the root cause of imposter syndrome and people pleasing. As a Latina trauma therapist working with people all over California and Arizona, I often see links to childhood. Healing from childhood trauma and addressing its lingering impact on self-perception can help with self-worth, compassion, and self-confidence. I have had great success with clients overcoming imposter syndrome with the blending of IFS and EMDR therapy.
Are you a People-Pleaser? Here are the signs of being a People-Pleaser in the workplace and at home:
Take a moment a see if you do any of the following either at work or at home.
1. Difficulty saying no: You may feel obligated to accommodate other people's requests, even if it inconveniences you and puts your needs last.
2. Fear of conflict: People pleasers often fear confrontation or disagreement with others. So they may avoid expressing their true thoughts or feelings to maintain harmony, because they fear conflict.
3. Constant need for approval: Seeking external validation and approval from others is another typical trait of a people pleaser. This means you go above and beyond because your self worth depends on external validation.
4. Neglecting personal boundaries: People pleasers are more likely to disregard their own boundaries and limits. You may find yourself frequently overextending yourself to ensure the happiness of those around you, which often leads to burn out.
5. Putting others' needs before your own: Women and people of color are more prone to this due to socialization.
6. Feeling guilty when prioritizing self-care: Engaging in acts of self-care may trigger guilt or anxiety in people pleasers. Taking time for yourself can be challenging as you may feel selfish or worry about disappointing others by not being available to fulfill their requests.
7. Difficulty expressing opinions: People pleasers may struggle to express their true opinions, especially when they differ from the views of others. Fearing judgment or rejection, you may suppress your authentic thoughts, leading to a lack of assertiveness and a sense of not being heard.
8. Always seeking harmony: People pleasers to prioritize maintaining peace at all costs. This can lead to avoiding difficult conversations or going along with others' decisions. This often has its roots in childhood, something that is often the case for adults who were parentified children or adult children of emotionally immature parents.
9. Taking responsibility for others' emotions: People pleasers often feel responsible for others' emotions, like it is their job to take care of the big feelings or conflict. They tend to be the go-to person in their family and friend groups. This excessive sense of responsibility can be overwhelming and exhausting, often leading to anxiety and burn out. We cannot be responsible for the emotions of others. Something we can spend a lot of time in therapy unpacking, because it often has its roots in childhood, this is why EMDR therapy is a great choice for over coming people pleasing!
10. Lack of self-identity: People pleasers may struggle with
The link between imposter syndrome and people pleasing is clear, coming from a trauma informed perspective.
Looking for ways to take care of your anxiety related to imposter syndrome and people pleasing? Here are some tips!
Therapy is a wonderful tool for treating anxiety, perfectionism, imposter syndrome, people pleasing, and burn out. But there are lots of holistic things you can start doing right now to help you cope and heal.
Holistic Tips for Taking Care of Anxiety, Imposter Syndrome, & Burnout
1. Mindfulness and Meditation: Take a few minutes each day to focus on your breath, observe your thoughts without judgment, and bring yourself into the present moment. This can help calm racing thoughts, reduce your racing heart rate, and bring a sense of peace. Befriend the inner critic is something that therapy can really help you with. This is often the first step to healing the inner critic.
2. Deep Breathing Exercises: Deep breathing can calm your nervous system and help you regain control during anxiety-inducing situations. It is best to practice this all the time, not only when you are anxious.
3. Regular Exercise: Exercise releases endorphins, the "feel-good" chemicals in the brain, which can boost your mood and reduce stress and anxiety. Movement is important, it doesn’t have to be super intense exercise. Find an activity you enjoy, such as yoga, walking, or dancing, just move!
4. Balanced Diet: A healthy and well-balanced diet can significantly impact your mental well-being. Avoid excessive consumption of caffeine, alcohol, and processed foods, as these can exacerbate anxiety symptoms, because it is harder on your body to metabolize, causing inflammation (more and more studies are showing the direct link between physical health and mental health well being). Instead, focus on consuming a variety of nutrient-rich foods, including fruits, vegetables, whole grains, lean proteins, and healthy fats.
5. Herbal Remedies: Certain herbs and supplements have been shown to have calming effects on the nervous system. For example, chamomile, lavender, and lemon balm are known for their anxiolytic properties. Before using any herbal remedy, it's crucial to consult with a healthcare professional, like a naturio path to ensure safety and proper dosing.
6. Quality Sleep: Sleep is medicine. When we don’t have good sleep, our mental health struggles. Establish a consistent sleep schedule, create a calming bedtime routine, and create a sleep-friendly environment (cool, dark, and relaxing). Avoid electronic devices at least an hour before bed and try relaxation techniques, such as reading or taking a warm bath, to prepare your mind and body for restorative sleep. Also only use your bed for sleep and sex. Doing work or scrolling on the internet in bed can impact your ability associate your bed with sleep.
7. Support System: Share your experiences with trusted friends or family members, join support groups, or consider seeing a therapist.
How EMDR can help with people pleasing and imposter syndrome.
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapy can help individuals who struggle with people-pleasing tendencies. People pleasing and imposter syndrome can be linked to a chaotic childhood or trauma and EMDR therapy is a great therapy.
EMDR Therapy treats the root causes of imposter syndrome and people pleasing not just the symptoms.
By targeting and reprocessing distressing memories, past, present, and future, EMDR Therapy aims to desensitize the associated negative emotions and beliefs, making room for more adaptive or positive thinking. Through EMDR Therapy, people pleasers can find relief from the anxiety and unwarranted guilt, leading to healthier relationships with others and themselves. A more balanced and authentic way of being.
How EMDR blended with IFS can help with people pleasing and imposter syndrome.
Blending Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy with Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy can offer a powerful and comprehensive approach to healing and transformation. By combining these two approaches, clients can access and resolve deep-seated issues stored in their subconscious often connected to trauma, while also nurturing their inner parts, for a more holistic and dynamic healing process where they feel more confident and compassion for themselves. The combination of IFS and EMDR empowers clients to not only heal past wounds but also cultivate a healthier relationship with themselves, leading to personal growth and an increased overall sense of well-being.
EMDR Therapy in Phoenix: unlocking productivity at work, by putting yourself first
EMDR therapy, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, is a groundbreaking approach that can significantly enhance productivity in the workplace, even in bustling cities like Phoenix. Sometimes we get stuck at work because we have not addressed our negative beliefs on a deep enough level, which looks like perfectionism, burnout, and struggles with work life balance. Within the vibrant city of Phoenix, EMDR therapy offers a transformative opportunity for individuals to release the emotional baggage holding them back and cultivate a more focused, energized, and productive mindset at work.
Unlock Your Career Potential with Therapy
1. Gain Clarity and Direction
2. Build Resilience and Overcome Obstacles
3. Develop Effective Communication Skills
4. Manage Stress and Achieve Work-Life Balance
5. Enhance Emotional Intelligence
6. Overcome Limiting Beliefs and Imposter Syndrome
Your career isn’t everything but feeling good at work will help you in all the other areas of your life. You deserve to feel confident, competent, and good enough. Reach out to learn how I can help, you don’t have to do the work alone.
With Warmth,
Elisa Blair
Hey there, I’m Elisa Blair!
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist + Founder of Mindfully Minding Me Therapy.
My specialty is couples counseling, especially for those who are BIPOC, in interracial partnerships, 1 and 2 gens wanting to break family cycles to step into a more peaceful way of doing life. I also offer depth work with individuals, helping people rewire their nervous system because traditional talk therapy sometimes is not enough.
I work with people all over San Diego, from Little Italy to Chula Vista, to La Jolla, and really all over California since I practice 100% online therapy. That means I can see people from Los Angeles to Fresno to San Jose, and San Francisco. And all while my clients get the convenience and comfort of having therapy right in their own living room.
I work with people all over Arizona from Flagstaff to Phoenix to Tucson 100% online therapy. Since I am dually licensed, I can see people who reside in both states or find that they travel often. And all while my clients get the convenience and comfort of having therapy right in their own living room.
Check out my about page to see if we are the right fit, explore my specialties page to see if I can help you break generational patterns and step into a more peaceful life. Ready to set up a free consultation?
