Preparing for Pregnancy: A Therapist’s Tips.
Going to therapy while pregnant can help you reduce feelings of anxiety and depression.
Pregnancy can bring up a lot of complicated feeling, very high highs and often very low lows. Anxiety, obsessive thoughts, and depression are common during pregnancy and seeking out therapy can help you address issues related to your mental health during pregnancy.
Pregnancy is a huge change in identity, and changes to lifestyle, body, and resurfacing trauma are common things that I see in my therapy practice in Fresno. The adjustment to pregnancy and becoming a parent can really take some people by surprise, especially if you are the first in your friend group or don’t have anyone close to you to talk about all things pregnancy. This can led to feelings of loneliness. Going to therapy can help you have a space to talk about joys, fears, relationship issues, and negative thoughts.
Trauma can often resurface or get triggered during pregnancy.
Things such as not asking for consent or explaining vaginal exams, your own thoughts about how your parents failed you, and the story of how you became pregnant can all be contributing factors in experiencing trauma in pregnancy.
You can bring up your concerns to your birth team, partner, and anyone else who can help you should you experience an activation of trauma.
Trauma lives in the body and many people who say “but I thought I healed from that” can often be surprised about what comes up for them. Anxiety and depression are often just the symptoms of something deeper, and this is why working with a therapist who is trained in PMADS and trauma can help support you.
Is EMDR trauma therapy safe during pregnancy?
Yes, for the most part EMDR is a safe therapy treatment for people who are pregnant. Working with your therapist and birth care team, you both can determine what would be beneficial to work on in therapy using EMDR and decide if there are things to wait to process until after you have had your birth. EMDR can be a really great tool for in the moment issues not just past traumas, something lots of people are not aware of when it comes to EMDR therapy. EMDR therapy can also help with future worries related to the birth or postpartum.
Five Ways to Get Yourself Mentally Ready for the Challenges of Pregnancy
Practice Mindfulness and gratitude. It is so important to remember that you are only human. Your brain is wired to be on the lookout for danger and it tends to be negative. Therefore I stress to my clients the importance of strengthening their “positive” or “adaptive” brain muscles. Mindfulness can really help you feel more balanced in your thinking by getting comfortable with just noticing your thoughts and letting them go.
Cultivate your "life stage" friend group. Having fellow friends who are also trying to conceive, pregnant, or already parenting is so important in reducing loneliness. Many times people struggle when they are the only ones in their friend groups who are starting a family. Adding to your social circle can help you feel connected, supported, and understood in only a way that a fellow parent can.
Create a birth plan. Things don’t always go according to plan, but planning ahead can really help you and your team be on the same page. Creating a birth plan can really help reduce feelings of anxiety for expecting parents and help them feel like they have a voice in communicating boundaries to their team, such an empowering tool.
Know about supports offered by Postpartum Support International (PSI). It is so important to know about the signs of PMADS and related issues and to know about the resources out there for those struggling with a wide range of issues related to postpartum. I received my advanced training for PMADS and perinatal mental health from them and I recommend it to all my collogues!
Go to therapy. Therapy can help you have a space to process all the fears, worries, and adjustments that are often a part of the journey to pregnancy and parenthood. I suggest searching for a therapist who has completed extra training and who specializes in perinatal mental health, that way your treatment reflects what you need. It can be overwhelming to find a therapist. Consider asking your OBGYN, midwife, or doula who they recommend. Head on over to my about page and see if maybe I might be the right therapist for you.
Should you go to couples therapy while you are pregnant?
Yes! Going to couples therapy during pregnancy can be a great way to address issues before they become bigger issues.
This is a great way to address the mental health of both you and your partner in a preventative way as opposed to last resort years down the line. Often times I see couples reaching out for therapy when things are really difficult in their relationship and it can be discouraging realizing just how deep some wounds go and the amount of work needed to repair the relationship.
It is doable! But coming in earlier for couples therapy will increase your chance at having a happier, healthier relationship.
Common couples therapy pregnancy issues
Stress of the adjustment to being pregnant
The journey to pregnancy (infertility, miscarriages, LGBTQ+ specific issues, traumas)
Pregnancy related health issues
Exploring parenting styles and desires on how to raise children
Exploring hopes and expectations about being a family
Exploring attachment styles and how they get in the way of effective communication
Exploring what life will look like after baby comes home (returning to work, role expectations)
Five Ways to Prepare Your Relationship for Pregnancy
Have a conversation about expectations. Couples often argue about the unspoken expectations in their relationship. Set aside some time to talk about what you are hoping for in these experiences. Some examples of questions to discuss: Do you want your partner at all the appointments? What does support look like for you? Can you communicate when you are tired and need your partner to take on more day-to-day duties?
Make date night a priority. Couples who routinely go on dates often report greater satisfaction with their relationships. Often couples become parents and forget to nurture their identity as a partner. Going on regularly scheduled dates and making it a habit during pregnancy can help ensure that this habit has a greater chance of sticking once the baby comes.
Consider reading a pregnancy book or parenting book together. Reading books together can help you and your partner talk about important issues like exploring parenting styles way before you are actually trying to parent. It will help you feel more prepared and on the same page. For parenting books, I am a big fan of "Good Inside" by Dr. Becky Kennedy. Dr. Kennedy's concepts can be really beneficials to couples.
Have a conversation about what if pregnancy does not look like what we thought for us. This is often the case for those who are going through in vitro fertilization (IVF) treatment, surrogacy, and all the ways in which the journey to parenthood could look like. This can bring up lots of complicated feelings and going to couples therapy can help.
Go to couples therapy. Pregnancy and the journey to parenthood is a transition and major adjustment for both partners. Therapy can provide a neutral space to help you and your partner address the issues that pregnancy often stirs up for couples. Going to couples therapy can help you and your partner identify issues in your communication early on to prevent them from becoming bigger issues in the future.
Therapy for Expecting Parents in Fresno, California: Cultivating Emotional Well-being
Reach out to hear how therapy for expecting parents in Fresno, California, offers support and guidance during this often difficult time. (I am a dually licensed Latina LMFT practicing in both California and Arizona online). Pregnancy is a rollercoaster of emotions, filled with joys, uncertainties, and new challenges. This also applies to surrogacy and adoption as their are many paths to becoming a parent and therapy can provide a space to unpack all the feelings that are bound to show up.
Engaging in therapy can offer a safe and non-judgmental space, where a therapist can help parents-to-be explore and process their feelings, fears, and expectations, fostering a deeper understanding of themselves, build effective communication and coping strategies, as their roles evolve for expecting parents in Fresno, California. I have supported lots of individuals and couples in navigate the stuff that gets stirred up when becoming parents from healing their inner child or childhood traumas, to addressing emotional labor, and lots more. Reach out and I would be happy to talk more!
With Warmth,
Elisa Blair
Hey there, I’m Elisa Blair!
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist + Founder of Mindfully Minding Me Therapy.
My specialty is couples counseling, especially for those who are BIPOC, in interracial partnerships, 1 and 2 gens wanting to break family cycles to step into a more peaceful way of doing life. I also offer depth work with individuals, helping people rewire their nervous system because traditional talk therapy sometimes is not enough.
I work with people all over San Diego, from Little Italy to Chula Vista, to La Jolla, and really all over California since I practice 100% online therapy. That means I can see people from Los Angeles to Fresno to San Jose, and San Francisco. And all while my clients get the convenience and comfort of having therapy right in their own living room.
I work with people all over Arizona from Flagstaff to Phoenix to Tucson 100% online therapy. Since I am dually licensed, I can see people who reside in both states or find that they travel often. And all while my clients get the convenience and comfort of having therapy right in their own living room.
Check out my about page to see if we are the right fit, explore my specialties page to see if I can help you break generational patterns and step into a more peaceful life. Ready to set up a free consultation?
